Ways that Fear Keeps Us Stuck – Part I

Ways that Fear Keeps Us Stuck – Part I

We all know that our fears often keep us from doing what we need to do to live happier, healthier, richer, and more productive lives. We also know that courage and action are the portals to the other side. Yet, so many of us feel paralyzed, overwhelmed, and otherwise unable or unwilling to face us to us fears and challenge them.

While there is certainly a place for “just doing it” and white-knuckling our way through, it can also be helpful to explore the ways in which fear shows up in our lives. In so doing, we can become more mindful about when fear is rearing its head so that we can then make the decision about how we would like to show up and proceed.

Here are three common ways in which fear manifests itself and hold us back:

1. Perfectionism

The paradox of perfectionism is that it often leads to procrastination – we dread taking action because we know that we can never live up to the rigorous standards we have for ourselves. This lack of action obviously leads to an even worse outcome than if we had done something, even if it wasn’t to a superhuman level. The reality is that done is better than perfect because perfect never gets done!

2. People-pleasing

The ‘disease to please’ stems from wanting to be liked and accepted by all people and at all times. We hide our true selves and shape shift in order to be and do everything for everyone. It is human nature to want to feel included, validated, and loved, but what we often fail to realize is that we can give those very things to ourselves. Furthermore, no amount of external belongingness can fully satisfy our longing if we do not accept, validate, and love ourselves first – exactly as we are.

3. Fear of missing out

This can involve doing things we don’t want to do – even to the point of depletion and stress. We may worry that a certain opportunity, experience, or relationship may never befall us again and we want to take full advantage of them when and while we can. In so doing, we often burn out, feel resentful, and aren’t fully present to what we are doing. And the irony is that we end up missing out on other things – after all, if we are saying ‘yes’ to one thing, it invariably means that we are saying ‘no’ to something else. 

In which of these ways does fear show up in your life? What does that look like and feel like? How would you like to show up and respond in a different way in the future? What will you have to face and feel in order to do so and what might be the benefits of doing so?